The Truth

This morning I put on my super hero consists of cute peep toe heels and a playful knee length floral dress. I inserted studs, donned a watch and pulled my hair back in a low ponytail.

I'm the poster child for the rising executive woman.

In the mirror I stared at the woman I've become and yet to be...thoug
hts of my 1pm, product roadmaps, deadlines, follow up emails, company growth projections, industry M&A activity, employee satisfaction, my commute, my missed 6am spin class and more. In the midst of it I was forwarded an article titled,

"Pepsi CEO's Mother Had A Brutally Honest Reaction To Her Daughter’s New Job"

And I read it...and here I was this rising woman with her cape on wanting to cry and I don't have this feeling of wanting to cry often.  There I was standing in my living room heading out the door feeling this overwhelming feeling of panic.  Here was one of the most powerful women, Indra Nooyi saying what women like me do not like to hear.  That we can not have it all. 

I know this type of writing in various media outlets makes for good chatter, oh how women of all sorts will retort, "oh but we can and we do!"

Yet, here Indra so eloquently tells us that we really can't.  Not without developing mechanisms to cope.  Mechanisms to prioritize, family, friends, love, dreams and passion.  It is easy to think in terms of men vs. women, but I realize that our current societal norms were developed over hundreds of years and my undergraduate degree in Anthropology tells me some of it is innate-what we hypothesize about early humans and hunter gatherers provides us with some clues about why we have societies like they are now. 

Even still the often fearless woman that my father raised all by himself, tells my inner self I can have it all, I can do all things despite everything around me. I've told myself this for many years and prioritized my life according to wanting it all.  I put things in a neat list and that husband and kids at 37 still remains unchecked off the list.

I would be lying if I said my biological clock is not ticking, I would be lying if in my head I don't hear and visualize an ominous pendulum clocking haunting me.  I actually lied for a very very long time to myself that I did not hear it or see it.  

The truth is I do not know if I can or will have it all and when and if I check those things off the list if I will be able to be the best CEO, Mom, Wife, room parent volunteer, cupcake maker, party planner, lover, friend or human I can be.


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